Over a Barrel

I wish I could say I'm feeling better about what happened last week. Honestly, I'm not and I wish I could articulate how I was feeling. I'm going to try, but this will probably be muddled.

I suppose the primary emotion is anger.

I'm angry that I was denied care because I was taking my health into my own hands.

I'm angry that many doctors/nurses have this belief  that women are broken. PEOPLE are broken. That we can't possibly make decisions for ourselves and if we do choose to do that, we're pushed away from medical care.

If parents choose to not vaccinate their children, for whatever reason, many Pediatricians refuse care. Some will say that it's because they don't want to be held responsible if the child contracts a disease and that child suffers harm, but some would argue this. 

But why can't we respect the parents choice, to refuse a vaccination?

If a mother chooses to VBAC in a hospital setting she is 'agreeing' to certain things. Continuous EFM or IFM, because honestly your uterus is broken and will burst, killing you/and or your baby. And because women are viewed as broken and failure is evident, you will need to have an epidural 'just in case' your body fails. Because, what a woman wants when she is looking for a VBAC is for 'her own selfish wants. Not a healthy baby.'

Really? Really. Really?!

A woman has been planning her wedding day for months. But she's told by her wedding planner 'to not be strict, things just don't work out.' The woman ignores that because, dammit, this is her wedding day and should be PERFECT. Her dress should fit perfectly. Her hair should be perfect. Her day should be perfect. She shouldn't have to settle.

But what if the florist messes up the flowers?

What if the priest shows up drunk? The photographer looses all your photos?

You'd be pissed right?

Now, isn't the birth of your child as important, if not more then, your wedding day? Why should we have to settle?

Why is it grounds for a lawsuit if the flowers are wrong or the photos are lost. . ..but in the hospital if your anesthesiologist messes up your epidural and you're in pain or the doctor has a complication and you loose your uterus. . .why is that okay?

Why are women punished because they want to have a proper trial of labor? Why is the hospital setting them up to fail?

So, I'll circle back to me and why I'm writing this: It is MORALLY WRONG for doctors to refuse care based on their preferences. It is not morally wrong for doctors to refuse care based on evidence based fact.

In my case, the Endocrinologist refused care because I wanted to HBAC, or home birth after a Cesarean.

If you look at the studies:

Fortunately, a uterine rupture from a prior cesarean with a low-transverse scar is a rare event and occurs in less than 1% of women laboring for a VBAC. With this type of scar 7 to 8 women out of 1,000 laboring for a VBAC are at risk for a uterine rupture.

Uterine ruptures have also been known to occur in some women who have never had a cesarean. This type of rupture can be caused by weak uterine muscles after several pregnancies, excessive use of labor inducing agents, a  prior surgical procedure on the uterus, or mid-pelvic use of forceps.

Research shows that the risk for a uterine scar separation is lower with each additional sucessful VBAC.

With no prior vaginal births	With 1 prior VBAC	With 2 prior VBAC	With 3 prior VBACs	With 4 prior VBACs
0.87%	0.45%	0.38%	0.54%	0.52%

Data from Mercer, BM, Gilbert, S, Mark B. Landon, MB, et al. Labor Outcomes With Increasing Number of Prior Vaginal Births After Cesarean Delivery. Obstetrics & Gynecology 2008;111:285-291.
www.greenjournal.org/cgi/content/abstract/111/2/285

You can read more here: 

http://www.vbac.com/what-is-a-uterine-rupture-and-how-often-does-it-occur/

So having looking at all that information, VBAC is not as risky as it seems. So why are physicians refusing care? Why are they telling women to jump through hoops when they shouldn't have to? Why are we reinforcing the 'your body is broken' mentality?

Why was I punished? And I was. The doctor could of helped us. I suppose at this point in time, do I want help from a person like that? Probably not, but when you're over a barrel you're willing to compromise on several things.

And I suppose that's why I'm terrified. What if the next doctor asks us to sign a form stating that we will give birth by 40 weeks or have a section? Is that fair? No, it's not. But they apparently have the power and I'm just over a barrel.