That's exactly how I feel. I feel like a freak.
I'm currently loosing my 11th babe, Liam being my 12th. How do you like those odds? 1-11? The Raiders had a better record then I do.
I'm avoiding facebook.
I'm not comfortable telling everyone again. I'm not comfortable seeing babies or bellies or people bitching about their kids or morning sickness. . .because quite frankly. . .while I'm happy for them (and I am) I'm so fucking jealous. I'd happily be naucious and viciously sick. Why?! Because then I'd know my babe was safe. Things were progressing as they should. I feel at such a loss. I am surrounded by people who have so much faith in birth and their bodies. .. .. . and here I am an utter failure.
And quite frankly, no, I don't want to hear about your loss, or YOUR problems right now, so fuck right off. I want to watch Friends and be loved and bawl my eyes out, because quite frankly, THIS SHIT IS NOT FAIR!
Tomorrow I'm going to a new infertility clinic.
I'm . . .terrified and angry and. . ..I just want to hide. I want my life to not suck right now. I want a home. I want to be pregnant. I wanna be able to stop crying.
I want to be normal.
