To shave-a da face, to cut-a da hair Require a grace, require da flair; For if-a you slip, you nick da skin, You clip-a da chin, you rip-a da lip, a bit Beyond-a repair!

I keep coming back to the nurses while I was at the hospital. I had horrible nurses. I know nurses. I know it's a hard job. I know really awesome nurses. Nurses who love their job and enjoy their job and more so, empathize with the patient.

They understand that while this is their everyday job, something that is normal to them, is not normal to us (the patient.)

I know I should try and do this chronologically. .. . but that isn't how this is going to work.

I'll skip the conversation as to why we consented for an 'emergency' section. That will be a huge long sobbing mess of a post. Right now I keep flashing back to this one incident that set the tone for the whole section.

Once we signed the papers I spent about an hour in bed being 'stuffed' with fluid. I sobbed and begged my body to do what it needed to do, my husband trying to cheer me up. But I was a wreck. A sobbing wreck.

Our nurse came in with a couple things in her hands. She wanted to shave me.

I asked her why.

'you aren't sterile.'

Now, I damn right know that is shit.

I shook. I cried. I was humiliated. I had signed over my power, my body, to complete strangers. And now they wanted to shave me.

I normally keep a trim 'party' area. Sometimes I'm viva Brazil and other times I have a little stubble, but really, it's intimate. It's something my husband and I enjoy. It's something I do for him. Not for a hospital.

I kept saying no. And finally my amazing husband said 'I'll do it. you leave.'

And my husband, while making jokes about all this, trying to get me to smile, trying to get me to laugh, shaved me for these people. I wish I could articulate how this made me feel.

First: that I have an amazing husband that would move heaven and earth, would do anything for me.

Second: his shaving me was almost like he was preparing me for them. Some part of me thought 'my husband thinks this is a good idea. I shouldn't ask questions. I shouldn't piss them off more.'

And so with John Lennon's 'Beautiful Boy' playing. I was shaved.