I do. I keep saying I feel better, but I don't. I keep trying to help someone with a blog and write about this, but I can't get past a few sentences.
Shit, I can't even read someone ELSES blog about birth rape. I picture it happening and I freak out.
This is seriously fucked up.
This weekend I had a cyst rupture (I think) and I lost almost 15 oz of blood. How do I know this? I use a menstrual cup. Sucker holds 1oz and I have been changing it like mad. Normally I don't have to change it more then twice a day. This was insane. I kept filling and filling and filling it. And it didn't feel good. . .you know when you FINALLY pump more then two oz?!? Not like that at all.
Monday night I started to get faint and light headed. I felt tired and drained. So I started eating iron rich foods, taking vitamins, etc. Laying down. I haven't worked out since Monday morning, I feel like such a slacker.
Anyway. Hubs and I seriously talked about going to the ER. Here we only have your general practitioner and the ER. If I went to my GP and told him 'hey, I've lost about 10 oz of blood. . . and I have pain on my right side in my pelvic area. . .' he'd look at me like I was crazy and berate me for not going to the ER.
If I went right to the ER, I'd be berated for not going to my GP. They'd want to do a pelvic exam, which I would of declined. They would of tried to manipulate me then did blood tests and an ultrasound and sent me on my way.
So, really. . I've saved myself 120 bucks in copays.
Hubs and I talked and we both agreed that the ER wouldn't of helped me. Wow, I have SO little faith in my physician and our local ER.
Then I actually thought about it. I thought about how I would be treated. And I freaked out. I did. I completely lost it. I saw myself in stirrups and I felt. . . in danger. I FEEL in danger around physicians. I don't trust them. I don't believe them.
I watched an episode of TNG (Star Trek the Next generation for those of you who don't speak geek) and there was a person, they didn't have male or female gender and this person identified as a female. And her people found out about it and they 'fixed' her. Maybe I need to be 'fixed.' Maybe I just need to stop challenging things and be a good little girl. Do what people tell me to do.
